Free To Be Me

Ode to the bathtub

2009-06-25T11:30:00.000-07:00

We have put up Kate's bassinet, her swing, and her bouncer. She barely plays in her exersaucer anymore and we only use the jumperoo when we are eating so she can sit in it and eat mum mums. We have even loaned out the Bumbo because she didn't use it. I was clinging to one piece of baby stuff but alas, it is time to let it goThat's right- the baby bathtub. This week, Kate has started taking big girl baths. And it makes me sad. I want my little baby back that would lay in the sling and just look up at me and smile. But now, she plays with toys and kicks around. And she is obsessed with the monkey on this thing so we took it off and let her keep it in the big tub. But now we need a bath toy holder. Any suggestions?

Pool Baby

2009-06-07T20:26:00.001-07:00

We decided to inflate Kate's pool and let her try it out!! She LOVES it!! She crawled around and chased her toys. Here are some photos

The Attack of the Sweet Potatoes

2009-05-27T19:06:00.001-07:00

I love my girl!!!

Let the process begin

2009-05-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

Today we started the process of finding a new church. This process makes me very uncomfortable just because I have a hard time walking into a room full of people I don't know. Today we visited one of the two main Baptist churchs in town. From what we have heard, it is the more contemporary of the two. It was ok. I was not impressed with the nursery- when we brought Kate in, no one asked us anything about her or what we had brought for her. I actually almost cried when we left her. The service was good. They are calling a new pastor so a lot of the service was about presenting info about him and his family. The sermon was good and the worship was pretty contemporary. Only one person in the church introduced themself to us. That was also disappointing. But we have decided to give it one more chance after the new pastor is in place. We will not be in town for the next 3 Sundays anyway so we won't get to do any visiting for a while.

Packing

2009-05-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

Packing, packing, packing- all my life has consisted of the last 12 hours is packing. We have so much crap around here. Matt literally packed my car full of stuff to take to Goodwill in the morning. It sort of makes me sad. How much money have we wasted on all of that? How much space have we wasted? Since Kate has been here, I have truly learned that stuff doesn't mean much. She is way more happy sitting in the grass or holding onto our fingers and walking than playing with her toys. And that is exactly the way I want it to be.

Clearing out the list

2009-05-05T09:16:00.000-07:00

I have Facebook and I check it a lot. To be honest, it is just an easy way to keep up with people. My list of "friends" was about 300 people. Alot of people that I graduated high school with or went to college with. But I was looking at it yesterday and realized that I had a lot of those people on my friends list because I am nosey, not because I really care about what is going on in their life. I just want to know everyone's business. That bothers me because that should not be my motivation. So I went through my list and cut it in half. I can truly say that everyone on it now is someone I care about and what to know what is going on in their life.

Tomorrow Starts it ALL......

2009-04-30T21:03:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is May 1st. May is going to be one of the biggest, if not the biggest, month for us this year. Matt is graduating med school, I celebrate my first Mother's Day with Kate, we close on our first home, move into our new home, we celebrate our 4 year wedding anniversary and Matt turns 26. That is one full month if you ask me! I have learned that I don't think I deal with stress as well as I thought I did. So my goal is to hold my head up, take some deep breaths, make sure Matt and Kate feel loved at all times and pray a lot!!!

Kate pulled herself up from sitting to standing a couple of days ago. Where did my little baby go?

Some of my Bucket List

2009-04-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

Bucket List = what I wanna do before I die

- Go to Australia
- Write a Children's Book
- Buy a Louis Vuitton bag
- Read the Bible all the way through in order
- Donate hair to Locks of Love
- Take Kate to Disney World

Miss California

2009-04-21T20:38:00.000-07:00

I watched Miss USA Sunday evening. Actually, I watched who made the Top 15, fast forwarded to who was in the Top 10, fast forwarded to who was in the Top 5 and then watched til the end. So I saw the interview portion and I saw Miss California's answer to Perez Hilton's question about gay marriage. It has caused a medis firestorm ever since. I have been debating on whether I should really say anything about it. But funny story- I, in fact, made a point in Sunday School last Sunday morning about people needing to stand up for what they believe in. So here is what I think.

First, I will say that I agree with her- I personally think that marriage is between a man and a woman. However, I also believe in everyone's right to voice their opinion through voting and contacting their government representatives. And if the citizens of a certain state vote about how their state should view the definition of marriage, I believe that whatever the majority votes for should be the law. Let democracy do it's work.

However, I have a bigger issue that bothered me. My main question is- When did marriage become a "right" for anyone- heterosexual or homosexual in some states? Last time I checked, it is not in the Bill of Rights. Just like I feel like a lot of people see owning a home as a "right". That is part of the reason that I think our economy is in the state it is in. It is like people feel like they are owed a long list of things just because they can breath and take up space. And that is not the case.

The Amazing Race

2009-04-19T17:44:00.000-07:00

If you know me at all, one thing that you know is that I am a reality tv junkie. I love to watch it, mostly because it is interesting to see how human beings react in set-up situations. Right now, Matt and I are watching Amazing Race. I like the show because you get to see lots of cool places and learn about the countries culture. But to be honest, I don't know if I would ever want to be on the show. And to be honest, it is because I would be afraid. Afraid of all the new places. Afraid that I wouldn't be able to communicate. Afraid that I would come off as a jerk on TV. Afraid that I would not be physically capable enough to do some of the challenges.
And that frustrates me because it just illustrates to me how much I live my life based on fear instead and believing in myself and what I am capable of.

Formula Feeding

2009-04-16T21:36:00.000-07:00

Kate has been formula fed since she was about 1 week old. We found out that my body does not produce milk. We met with a lactation consultant twice, I used a hospital grade pump- and nothing. So since that day, Enfamil has been Kate's nutrition source. Now I will say that is was not as big of a shock to me as it probably would have been because my mom and grandma were not able to breastfeed either. So even though I knew it might happen, it still upset me.

To be honest, I still do sometimes feel like I am looked down upon for formula feeding, mostly by people who don't know the back story. I tried everything I could but I cannot change what my body cannot do. I made the best choice that I could to get over it and take care of my baby the best way that I could. And I will always be proud of that.

And yet somedays, I am still sad about it...........

Cloth Diapering

2009-04-14T20:56:00.000-07:00

Ok so I am a member of an awesome online forum. Specifically, I am a member of a board of ladies who all have babies who were due in November like Kate. It is a wonderfully diverse group of ladies and we may not do everything the same but we always support each other.

One of the things that a lot of the ladies on the board do is cloth diapering. I am a disposable diaper girl at this point. But the frugal person in me is making me consider possibly switching to cloth diapering with our next child. To be honest, with Kate, I didn't give it a second thought. I know that it would help us save money and the look of cloth diapers is improving all the time. One thing that is holding me back is that I do not do well with accomplishing laundry. For example, Kate is sleeping right now in her last clean sleeper. I know....I fail. It also just seems slightly less convienient than disposables.

I am not sure. The jury is stil out. I need to keep pondering it.

Watching Oprah

2009-04-11T20:21:00.000-07:00

Matt and I have Netflix. He has not taken the time to put any movies on the list so they are all mine. And right now, I am watching the 20th Anniversary DVD set about the Oprah Winfrey show. I have to say that I love me some Oprah. I really do. I don't watch every day but I do check the guide every Sunday and see what will be on that week and DVR what I want to see.

BUT in a sense, I grieve for Oprah at the same time. As time has gone on, she has made more and more statements that lead me to believe that she is not a believer. And my heart breaks for her. I do believe that Oprah is a very intelligent woman who is extremely deceived. And I am going to start praying for her. A lot.

Allergic to cleaning....

2009-04-10T21:05:00.000-07:00

That is the way I have always felt. I mean I am not a dirty person by any means. Our house is just messy...often. And I can always think of 8,475,908 things that I would rather do then clean up. Like watching tv or clipping my nails or eating some chips. But my attitude has begun to change for a couple of reasons.
1. Matt deserves better than that. I want to make a nice, relaxing place for him to come home to everyday.
2. I want to set a good example for Kate. She is starting to watch me and I know that she won't remember right now but if I start building the habit now then, when she is older, that is all she will know.
3. I am frankly tired of looking at a messy place. And feeling like a failure because of it when it is a realtively simple fix.
This probably won't be easy and I know I will not master it overnight but I am more than willing to try. And I will succeed. I have to!

This is me.....

2009-04-09T21:41:00.000-07:00

The real me. That's it. That is all I have to offer. And I hope it will be enough for you- It is starting to be enough for me.
Life has changed a lot in the last few months and will continue to do so. I love writing and I don't do it enough so here I am.
My thoughts, life updates, all of that will be right here.